Take Away My Darkness
by Tear-Trax
Summary: This is for ukefayt. Yuki drove Shuichi away, and now he's depressed and tries to take his own life. Rated M due to suicide attempt.


**Hey all. This is only a one-shot and is dedicated to uke-fayt. Well, it's finally done and posted. This is the first time in writing a Yuki/suicide fic, so its propably not very good. But I gave it my best shot. Hope you all like.**

**I do not own Gravitation.**

**Warning - Suicide attempt and OOC.**

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**Take Away my Darkness**

A long draw out sigh escaped his sore-bitten lips as he looked at the small shiny piece of metal held loosely in his fingers, one side deadly sharp which could cause one to end ones life with. The razor glinted in the sunlight that came in through the window as he turned it from side to side. How something so small and unattractive could be so cold and deadly.

Another sighed escaped his lips as he looked at his wrist. Thin blue lines that he knew contained blood and if one of those blue lines were severed, it would cause disruption within his body. Instead of the blood passing through to where it was needed, it would spill through the vein, and down his arm, to pool upon the floor. His precious life's blood would drain rapidly out of that one vein that helped keep him alive.

Closing his eyes, he leant his head back on the couch he was sitting on and wondered how his life had come to this, this life where his empty shell of a body continued to live on when his heart was already dead.

That day in New York when his innocence had been stolen from him, the look of sadistic pleasure from the man he loved, from the man that had betrayed him. He remembered the look on the men's faces as he held the gun in his shaking hands, saw the life drain from their eyes after he had pulled the trigger.

A part of him had died that day. He was sure it was only a matter of time before he took his own life. He was dirty and a murderer. He thought nothing would ever be right for him again. But he had been wrong. Even though his outward appearance never changed, inside he felt alive for the first time in so long. He began to feel things he never thought he would feel again. He laughed, but the laugh was bitter. He had something so good, but what did he do? What he always did, he fucked up, royally.

Opening his eyes, he pulled out the lighter from his pocket and rubbed his thumb over the image that was smiling up at him. The picture was a little faded, but the smile that would always be there shone brightly. Dropping the lighter to the floor, he leant forwards. The razor blade fell from his fingers. It fell to the ground where it lay shinning in a pool of sunlight. His head fell forwards and landed in his hands, shoulders shaking in an attempt to hold the tears in. He hated to cry, it always made his head hurt.

As he sat there, he cursed himself. He was an idiot. Why? Why did he always mess his life up? He had been happy, well as happy as he could be. But with just three words, his life had fallen apart and he lost the one person who had brought him back from the dark and into the light.

He remembered when he had first met Shuichi. The teenager had appeared no more than a hyperactive idiot. He had been reluctant to have anything to do with the younger man, but Shuichi had been persistent. If he ran, Shuichi would always be right behind him. And when Shuichi admitted his love to him, he had been sceptical. What could someone like Shuichi love about him?

But Shuichi's love had never wavered. The pink haired teen and loved him so much, never wanting anything in return. Yuki shook his head angrily at himself. He had even kept up with his one night stands, even though he could see how much it had hurt Shuichi.

That had stopped when they had been together for about a year. He had decided to stop sleeping around and let Shuichi be his only lover. He would never forget the face his lover had made. He had never made another person as happy as Shuichi had been.

From then on, life was good. Yuki would was beginning to feel again, the dark was receding and the light was being poured into his life. Shuichi, the one he had grown to love with as much of his heart as he could.

Then he had to go and mess it up. He remembered the look of hurt in those beautiful purple eyes and the tears that had rolled down the younger mans cheeks, the three words that had ended the relationship.

_I despise you._

…It had been a bright sunny day, and Shuichi had been whining about wanting to take a walk with him, but he had work to do. It had caused an argument between the two of them, Shuichi shouting that he was nothing more to him than a living fuck toy. And Yuki had slapped him around the face and said those three words to him.

He had watched as Shuichi's eyes widened, it was like the light had faded from the sparkle that was always present. Yuki had just stood there as Shuichi fled into their bedroom. He had backed against the wall, his shaking hands held in front of his face, the one he had used to slap Shuichi a little red. His head fell back against the wall and listened as Shuichi moved frantically around the room.

When Shuichi had finally emerged from the bedroom, Yuki looked round the doorway in time to see Shuichi open the front door with a bag on his back. He opened his mouth, but no sound escaped as the front door slammed shut…

…Yuki groaned at his stupidity. That was six months ago. He had not seen Shuichi since, except for when he turned the TV on, and he saw one of the brat's music videos. His latest one had shown Shuichi had dyed his hair a midnight blue colour and Yuki could see pain in the younger mans eyes. He listened to the song, the lyrics dark and about heartbreak and hate.

He had not left his apartment in those six months. He had only slept when he had drunk himself into unconsciousness. Tohma and Tatsuha had been the ones to get his shopping for him. They had to leave it outside his front door, as he would not want to see them. Tohma had left message after message on his answer phone, pleading with him to let him help, but he had just ignored the man.

And now as he looked down at the razor where it was still on the floor, he clenched his hands into fists. When Shuichi had first left, he thought that the brat would just go to his best friend's house and come back when he was ready, but he never came. It was from one of the messages from Tohma that he knew Shuichi never did go to Hiro's. He had been staying at his own apartment, which Yuki never even knew he owned. It was just another thing about Shuichi that he had never bothered to learn.

As the months passed, he grew more and more depressed. He missed Shuichi, the way the young man would throw open the door when he got home from work, and ran into his study for a kiss and a cuddle. He missed the way Shuichi made his coffee, badly, but it was the thought that counted. He missed the way they would cuddle up in bed, Shuichi's leg and arm draped over him. He missed everything and he wanted Shuichi to come back to him, but he would never be the one to ask. He would wait, but now that six months had passed, he had to accept that Shuichi wasn't coming back.

Snarling, he picked the razor up from the floor, and without thinking, ran it harshly against his left wrist. He cried out in pain as he slit his wrist. The pain was bad, but the pain in his heart was worse. With a shaking left hand, he took the razor and managed somehow to do he right wrist. He watched as the blood ran down his arms and pooled on the ground.

Vision becoming bleary, he slid from the couch and on to the ground. He was ready to die…

--

Shuichi sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he looked at the front door he was standing in front of. He had been asked by Tohma to come and check on Yuki. The older man hadn't been seen in six months and no one could get into his place, so here he was.

It had been a hard six months, when he had left here. He hadn't gone to Hiro's like he usually did. He had gone to the apartment he had been renting for the last year. Whenever Yuki kicked him out, he went there. No one had known he had it, but they did now. Hiro found out and didn't speak to him for about a day, wanting to know why Shuichi hadn't told him, why he didn't go to his house like he always did. His answer had been simple: _I didn't want to be a burden to you anymore._ Hiro had told him that he had never thought that, but Shuichi knew that his nest friend got a little annoyed everytime he used to end up on his doorstep, especially when he had Ayaka around to stay.

Shaking his head, he closed his eyes. Was he ready to see the man he still loved again. Pulling out the front door keys he had kept, he pushed the key into the door, and waited. Biting his lip, he nodded. Opening the door, he walked through. Standing in the hall, he cocked his head to the side. Hs could smell blood. Without taking off his shoes, he rushed into the apartment and his mouth dropped when he saw Yuki lying on the ground, his wrists bleeding.

Snapping out of it, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and rang for an ambulance as he ran into the bathroom for a towel. Chucking his phone to the side, he ripped the towel in two and applied a strip to each wrist, trying it tight. He then checked Yuki's neck and sighed as he felt a pulse.

Looking down at the man he still loved, he gently placed Yuki's head in his lap. "Why Yuki, why did you do this?" He waited, hoping the man would answer, but there was only silence.

He had no idea how long he sat there, but he heard the ambulances siren and a few moments later, two medics were beside him. They checked Yuki and placed him on the stretcher. Shuichi got up and followed. He got into his car and drove to the hospital, his thoughts crashing against his head. Why had Yuki done this? Shouldn't he have been happy? Yuki wanted him gone and the older man had got what he wanted.

Parking his car, he got out and rushed into the hospital. He was told that they were just about to give Yuki a transfusion as he had lost a lot of blood. He went to the payphone and called Tohma. The older man hung up on him and arrived at the hospital in record time.

They sat beside each other and waited.

"Why did you leave him?" Tohma asked quietly.

Shuichi bit his lip. He didn't raise his head where it was resting in his hands. "He told me he despised me."

Tohma looked at the younger man next to him. He had always blamed everything on Shuichi. He had never accepted the relationship between the two men, only because of how much he loved his brother-in-law, but he knew that was all he was to Eiri.

He was knocked from his thoughts as the doctor came out of the room. He nodded to the two men. "He's going to be fine. We've stitched up his wounds and he's awake. You can see him now."

Tohma stood and looked down at Shuichi. The younger man shook his head. "I don't think it's a good idea for him to see me." He stood and began walking towards the exit. He paused and looked over his shoulder. "Tell him…" He shut his mouth and shook his head.

Tohma watched as he walked away. The pain in his eyes was almost too unbearable to look at. He turned and entered the room where Eiri lay on the only bed in the room. The blonde haired man looked at him, but turned his face away. "Where's Shuichi?" He asked.

Tohma sighed. "He left. He didn't think it would be wise for you to see him." He watched in shock as Eiri began to cry.

**--**

Shuichi leant against the bonnet of his car, cigarette in hand as he waited outside of the hospital. Looking at the cancer stick in his hand, he sighed. He had only been smoking for six months, ever since he left Yuki. He had been craving the nicotine. He guessed it was because of inhaling Yuki's second hand smoke for so long.

Footsteps had him raising his eyes. His heart hurt at the pitiful sight of his ex-lover. Golden eyes widened slightly as he saw him. Shuichi flicked his smoke away and opened the passenger door for him. Yuki got in without a word and watched as Shuichi got into the drivers seat and started the engine. He groaned quietly in pain as he tried to put his seatbelt on. Shuichi took the belt from him and clicked it into place without a word.

Yuki looked over at Shuichi when the younger man lit a cigarette. He took the one the younger man offered to him and the lighter. He winced slightly at the pain in his wrist as he lit it, but sighed in relief as the nicotine hit his system. "I didn't know you smoked." He said quietly. When Shuichi shrugged his shoulders, he tried to clench his fist, but was stopped again as pain flared. "Where's Tohma?"

"He had a he couldn't cancel meeting. He asked me to pick you up. He didn't want you to catch a taxi. Mika's visiting your father." He answered. "Tohma wants me to take you to your place, so you can pack some stuff. He wants you to stay at his place for a while."

Yuki snorted. "I don't think so."

"Suit yourself." Shuichi said. After a moment, he bit lip. "So, why did you try to kill yourself?"

Yuki looked over at the younger man and slumped into his seat. "Because I drove you out of my life." He answered quietly.

Shuichi laughed, but it sounded bitter. "Isn't that what you wanted? You said you despised me, remember." He snapped. "You're such a bastard. So it was my fault you tried to kill yourself? Is that what you're saying?

Yuki shook his head. "No, that's not what I'm what saying. It's my fault. I drove you away. I didn't mean what I said. You just said yourself that I'm a bastard. I've never wanted you to leave me."

Shuichi shook his head. "Don't, just shut up." His shoulders shook as he tried to keep in the tears that threatened to spill. The last six months had been hell, and here Yuki was telling him that he had never meant what he had said and hadn't wanted him to leave. Had all this been just because Yuki was being what he said he is, a bastard.

When Shuichi pulled up outside Yuki's apartment, he turned to the older man. "Go and pack a bag."

Yuki glared. "I'm not staying with Tohma."

"No, you're staying with me." Shuichi answered.

Yuki stared at the younger man for a moment, before doing as he was told. He went up to his apartment, noticing that the blood stain had been cleaned. He shivered at the thought of what he had tried to do, right here where he was standing. He shook his head. He had to get out of here. He didn't like it here anymore. He packed a bag and his laptop and returned to Shuichi's car.

They drove in silence, until Shuichi pulled up to the curb outside a large apartment building. Shuichi took Yuki's bag and the blonde man followed the younger man in through the door and towards the elevator.

When they arrived at Shuichi's door, the younger man pulled out a key and opened the door. Standing back, he let Yuki enter and he shut the door after them. It was a large apartment, they were standing in a large front room, to the left were two doors, one led to the kitchen/dinning room and the other to a small study. And three doors on the right led to two bedrooms, and a bathroom.

Shuichi walked to towards one of the doors, and opened it. It led into a good sized guest room. He placed Yuki's bag on the bed. "You can stay here. There's a desk so you can work from your laptop there. Are you hungry?"

Yuki walked into the bedroom and put his laptop on the desk. He finally looked over at Shuichi, and nodded. He was unable to speak. He had never felt so awkward in his life. He watched as Shuichi left the room and walked into the kitchen. He followed and watched as Shuichi moved around the kitchen like he belonged there. Yuki was surprised as Shuichi never used to be able to cook without cutting or burning himself.

Shuichi turned when he felt Yuki's eyes on him. "A lot can happen in six months." He said, and turned back to making lunch. "Shit." He hissed as he cut himself. He turned once again when he heard laughter, and saw Yuki leaning against the wall, his shoulders shaking and a hand over his mouth, trying not to laugh. Shuichi narrowed his eyes, but his lips twitched. "Okay, maybe I'm still clumsy-" He broke off as Yuki began to laugh. He had never seen Yuki laugh like this. He shook his head and looked at his finger, which was bleeding slightly. His eyes lifted as Yuki took his finger and led him to the sink. The older man turned on the tap and placed his finger under the stream of cold water.

Shuichi's eyes lifted again and met Yuki's. Their gazes locked and held. Yuki's spare hand slowly moved up and his thumb caressed Shuichi's cheek. The younger mans eyes closed and leaned into the familiar touch. When he felt lips on his, his eyes opened and narrowed. Placing his hands on the older mans chest, he pushed. "Stop." He said, shaking his head.

Yuki backed up, and sighed. "I'm sorry."

Shuichi shook his head, and bit his lip. Picking up the plates, he set them on the table. They both sat, and ate in silence.

--

Yuki sighed for what felt like the hundredth time. He was on the phone to the one and only person he found annoying.

"Eiri-san, I don't understand why you wont come and stay with me. It must be hard for you and Shindou-san to be together at the moment."

"Look Tohma. I want to stay here. I have things I need to tell Shuichi… Just leave me alone." He hung up the phone and went into his bedroom, where he sat at the desk. He had been writing all morning, and now what Tohma had interrupted him, he just sat in front of the screen. "I hate you Tohma." He whispered, getting back up and leaving the room.

He looked around and found the silence was not to his liking, which usually was what he had always craved for. Shuichi was at work and he was alone. He hadn't talked to the younger man about what happened yesterday, he had gotten ahead of himself and just had to kiss Shuichi. He had missed the brat so much.

Sitting down on the couch, he switched on the TV.

--

Shuichi was driving home from work, a frown on his face. He couldn't get what happened out of his head. When Yuki had kissed him in the kitchen, he had so wanted to respond, to lose himself. To let the man he loved have his way with him, but he had stopped it. The six months that he had been on his own, was hard. All he had wanted to do was run back to Yuki, hoping the man didn't mean what he said.

And now, now that the man had kissed him, hell Yuki had tried to kill himself, and all because he said that he had drove him away. That ought to mean something. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Was he going to risk his heart again? A small smile twitched upon his lips. One more chance, he could do that.

When he parked, he made his way to his apartment. He found Yuki in the kitchen making dinner. The blonde haired man turned, and Shuichi grabbed hold of Yuki's shirt, pulling the taller man towards his lips.

Yuki's eyes widened slightly as he was pulled towards the shorter man, and when those sweet lips touched his, he lost all thought. His hands wrapped around Shuichi's waist, pulling the smaller body tightly against his, and kissed back with everything he had.

When they broke apart, Shuichi licked his lips and looked up at Yuki. "One more chance Yuki, that's all you get. Please don't hurt me again!"

Yuki could only nod, as he pulled Shuichi in for another kiss. "Help me take away my darkness, Shuichi."

The younger man just nodded as he buried his head against his shoulder.

'_I promise to never hurt you again, Shuichi._'

**END**

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**Well, there ya go. I know it was corny at the end. Thanks for reading and hope you liked it uke-fayt. **

**Please review to let me know what you thought.**


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